How to MacGyver Your Way Through a Broccoli Apple Salad

In typical Lisa-fashion, I found a recipe I liked, then butchered it until it resembled the original one almost ZERO.
I have no idea why I am like this as a person. 
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This is what I used: 
2 Granny Smith apples, diced.
Maybe 1/4 cup of red onion. You're supposed to dice it, but I can't even. 
2 cups of broccoli florets. From a bag, yo. 
A big handful of shredded carrots. 
1 cup of Hellmann's mayo. NOT 1/2 mayo 1/2 Greek yogurt. But you do you. 
3 tbl of lemon juice. 
S&P. 
I eliminated the cranberries (because, ew), and 1 TBL of sugar (because, diabetes)
I also added 2 TBL of sour cream and a handful of shredded sharp cheddar. 
You don't have to be like me. 

What I did: 
I died, that's what. Scott was at work and I had to attempt to cut up the onion by myself. 
It's a no from me. I diced the apples then added what little of onion I cut up. I didn't dice the onion because I wanted the flavor from the onion, but to NOT bite into a piece. 

​I then added the broccoli and carrots.

The best part? It called for chopped pecans. Now I watch Ree Drummond chop things all the time, with zero effort. Not only would I chop the tip of my finger off, nothing would turn out right. 
I chopped the pecans in the most Lisa-way I could think of. 
In a ziploc bag. 
With a flash light. 

I shook it all up, then added the "dressing". 
Mayo, lemon juice, s&p. 
​I'm going to need my mother to look away.

Once it was all coated, I tasted it. It was good, but it just needed "something". 
I added two tablespoons of sour cream, a handful of shredded sharp cheddar, and topped it with more pecans. 

Whilst eating, I was thinking of all the things that I could add next time. Sunflower seeds, cubed sharp cheddar, bacon....
The opportunities are endless :)
​Enjoy.