There was a time that I blogged every day. Mainly for myself, I know that no one cares what I eat for breakfast, or how many baseball games that I watch. Looking back over these blogs, I am so thankful. It captured times with family and with Scott that I would have never remembered. I want to try and do that again, but I just can't. Life without Scott is hard. Last night I went to a concert with my mom and friends, and I had such a good time. Now he wouldn't have went, but I could have told him about the guy and his girlfriend next to me, and how I talked up a storm. I could have told him I spent half the night trying to figure out which guitar player I was going to marry next. This has been just a very hard two weeks. Monday was good, I went to Shreveport with Lily and Rebecca. Lily was my friend because I was buying her things. We ate and shopped. Work was good all week, no terrible drivers. I saw a Doc Holliday POP figure and I had to buy it. Scott loved Val Kilmer's performance of Doc. I am trying to learn to do things on my own. It isn't going very well.
Now I CAN do these things, minus fixing my sink faucet, but when I go to weed eat, or pressure wash, or drag the trash to the outside can, it reminds me that my best friend is gone. I know I am going to melt down when I try to re-caulk the shower. I have been blessed with friends, and 2 awesome brother in laws that would do anything that I ask. I am just going to try. But for real, someone come put my kitchen faucet on, and help me set up a pop-up gazebo. Also, I can't have a blog post without Scott in it somehow:
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So it's been 6 weeks and 2 days since Scott has been gone. Physically. Mentally, since about the 16th of April. The last semi-normal day that we had was during a mid-work day, meeting up to get our second COVID vaccine. When he came home that night from work, he went straight to the couch. The only few times he got up was to go to the bathroom. He fell twice, and the last night that I laid in the bed with him, I didn't sleep one minute, I was afraid that he would try to get up and fall again. I would give anything to be able to relive that weekend. I would do it so differently. That was a Sunday night. That Monday we went to the clinic to get his collar bone checked out, and that Tuesday we went via ambulance to the Natchitoches ER. He never came home. His brain was in such a fog from the kidney toxins. I had no idea what all was going on, or we would have been in a hospital much sooner. Not even the hospital knew it was so bad. I am still unsure as to what caused the seizure that did the damage that caused us to lose him. I was getting better, the heartache and the pain was seeming to ease up, but this has been a bitch of a week. My boss is starting to notice, my family, and friends. I finally just yelled that I can't fake smile all the time. I don't want to be like this. I know he isn't coming back, and my life will never be the same. I don't know what stage of grief that I am in, but it really sucks balls. Anyway. This video makes me smile and cry. It was about 7 hours of being in the Natchitoches ER, he was in and out, but a little of "Scott" came through. Please just keep the prayers and good thoughts coming. Not just for me, but his family, they lost him too. His coworkers say how boring and quiet it is. My family lost the most entertaining part of Thanksgiving. I plan on writing many more. I just miss him, y'all. |
Lisa DoddI enjoy sports, binge watching TV, food, reading, and slightly bearded men. Most popular blog posts from my previous Blog:
How I Died (Again) Lily is Here! The "Miracle" Diet Zesty Lemon Shrimp My Apologies to Shelby County, AL The Evolution of My Hair My Night Stalking Dale Murphy The Worst Late Night Snack Ever Questions from God Louisiana! Archives
December 2023
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