I saw this recipe on one of the Low Carb group posts that I follow.
The instructions were simple:
1 tbl Stevia (or sweetener of your choice)
1 tbl Unsweetened Cocoa powder
2 oz softened cream cheese
2 oz softened butter
3 oz whipped heavy whipping cream
I mixed the sweetener with the butter and stirred.
Mix in the cream cheese, stir.
Mix in the cocoa powder, stir.
Now I have watched Ree Drummond whip heavy whipping cream many times, but mine did not look like hers.
It also said to add slowly into the mixture, and I just dumped it in there.
It ALSO said to put it in small, individual cups, but damn hell I have like three 44oz Taco Bell cups and the one green glass I drink margaritas out of.
I put it in a glass pan and refrigerated for 30 minutes:
I documented the entire thing live on the Marco Polo app, but I don't think you can save any streams from there.
I did screen shot when Scott took a bite:
I said, "It can't be THAT bad!!"
He was like:
He said it was very bitter and needed more sweetener.
On video, I took a bite. Not very flattering, but it was indeed bitter.
I will try again, using more sweetener, and turning the mixer up higher.
Nothing will ever be as bad as The Hall of Shame Brownies ......
What you'll need^^^
1 lb ground beed
1 head of cauliflower
1 can of diced tomatoes w/ green chili's (Rotel)
Chili powder, onion powder, cumin, s&p
2 cups of cheese, I used Colby Jack
A counter top that should have been wiped off first.
I am still attempting to low-carb it. Hate.
I keep seeing stuff with cauliflower rice, and I always said "well I'm not doing it!"
I did it.
I loathe white rice, and in my Lisa-brain, it was going to be hard smelly grainy rice.
Below is the recipe, and the "how-to" to making cauliflower rice.
Or how I made it, anyway. Ya'll know I have no common sense when it comes to cooking.
I washed a head of cauliflower, broke it apart into slightly large pieces.
And then just grate it:
Fun fact. This stuff flies everywhere. After I was finished I swept up a pile from the counter top, my shirt, the floor....
After I finished grating, I transferred it to a paper towel and mashed the fire out of to get rid of any water.
I put a swish or two of EVOO in the skillet and stirred it around. I kept the lid on it as much as possible to trap all of the steam.
I cooked it 8 minutes, then dumped it back in the bowl and put the skillet lid on it.
I am a professional that way.
Now in a perfect world, you could be doing all of this while browning the ground beef.
I don't live in that type of world.
Brown the beef, drain.....
I took the seasonings and put half in the rice, half in the meat, then stir separately.
I added the can of Rotel and more onion powder, stirred, then added in the rice. Stir more.
Add in half of the cheese, and guess what? You stir.
When everything is completely mixed, you can add in more things in you like, olives, etc, but I don't have that kind of fancy kitchen.
Top with the remaining cheese, put a lid on it, let it melt, then serve.
It's ugly, but yummy. You can tweak the seasonings to make sure it's full of flavor.
Meanwhile, I bought yet another flamingo thing....
If it worked for me, it can surely work for you. I can't use the oven for squat.
These are super simple, tasty, and well....cheese.
All you need is thinly sliced cheese, your choice:
Fold it so there are four squares a slice, as many as you want, then place on parchment paper into a 250° oven for 35 minutes.
This particular cheese has 1 carb for 3 slices.
So maybe I have never used parchment paper before.
No fires, no one died......
I sprinkled a very small pinch of salt on them.
Let us pretend that I didn't have a second piece of meat hidden on the side.....
My darling sister sent me this recipe.
The main reason I blog any recipe is so months from now when I am howngrie, I can come here for ideas. I was going to blog how I cooked it with pictures, but mine was a dumpster fire.
I used so many skillets, I have no idea how to slice onions, and it took over an hour.
Hers seemed so elementary, I just knew I was going to whip this up in no time.
So, for my future recipe hunts, I will post her version, and trust me, it's much better than what I made tonight.
We see who the real cook in the family is.
So maybe sometimes I don't read the directions right.
This was still tasty, even though I butchered it from the original recipe.
I have been wanting to try spiralizing cucumbers. It didn't disappoint, but I wish they had been thicker.
I saw this recipe on Facebook as "This 5-Incredient Salad Will Have You Dancing Around the Campfire!"
So anyway I made it, BUT, there was not a tomato to be found within 20 miles of us, so if you make it, dice up a tomato and chunk it in there.
What I used:
1 cucumber, spiralized
5 strips of bacon
Garlic powder, s&p
3 tbl of Hellman's mayo
Ya'll know that I have issues with my food being wet. I knew the cucumbers may have a bit of drippage....but not like this.
If you make this, don't be like me. Dice the cucumber into bite size pieces, and dry them with a paper towel before assembling.
I spiralized the cucumber....
I sprinkled a little salt and pepper on it.
I cooked bacon, then tossed it about in the cucumber.
I put 3 tablespoons of mayo in a bowl, shook garlic powder into it vigorously, with a little more salt and pepper, and then tossed it all together.
If I wouldn't have tried to get all fancy pants with the cucumber, patted it dry, went to the grocery store and got a tomato, coated it and the cucumber with more salt, this would have been glorious.
I got a soppy mixture of mayonnaise water.
I just heard my mother gagging from miles away....
It was still very good!!!!!!
What I used:
Chicken tenderloins. Because that's what I had in the freezer.
1 sliced avocado
5 slices of crumbled bacon
1 boiled egg
1/2 tbl chili powder
1/2 tbl of garlic powder (let us get real, I probably used 5 times this amount)
A shake of dried oregano
Sea salt and pepper
My perfectly fine store bought Caesar dressing. (The original recipe had a make-your-own tutorial)
Also, after I cooked the bacon, Scott just kind of shoved me out of the way.
Shin splints are a mother, and kind of ruining my life.
What I (we) did:
Boil an egg. Personally, this salad doesn't HAVE to have it, but I was hangry and wanted as much extra food as possible.
Take this much chicken and season it with chili powder, garlic powder, salt, oregano, and I added a shake of Lawry's.
Fried the bacon....
When the indoor grill was hot, Scott shoved me out of the way and said to go sit down.
It couldn't possibly have been because I was whining.
The seasoning mixture on this chicken.....amazeballs.
Like for real, I am going to make this solo for a meal and just add a side.
Then I just assembled.
I tossed the lettuce and the cooked/drained/crumbled bacon
Added the sliced avocado, credit to Scott:
I added a tiny bit of dressing to coat the lettuce, and then I added the chicken, about a tablespoon of more Caesar dressing, the egg, sprinkled with pepper, shaved Parmesan, pecans, sunflower seeds, and cashews, for crunch.
The deeper you dig down, the better this thing got.
Scott made himself a salad, but I don't even know, dude.
Just eat it. It's what Jesus would want.
This is quick and yummy low carb meal.
I bought this steak:
I chopped it into bite size pieces, seasoned it with McCormick's Montreal Seasoning.
I threw some butter and baby portabello mushrooms in a skillet.
I threw the seasoned meat in the skillet, and put what butter I had left over.
Don't do that.
It makes everything wet and greasy.
When it got to this consistency, I added the mushrooms back in:
Mix them about.
I took one bite and knew it needed sour cream with a shake of Lawry's.
So I had this recipe for this wonderful low carb broccoli dish. Pinterest had two separate recipes on how to make it. I bought all of the stuff to cook it casserole style in the oven. As my luck goes, my gas oven does not want to light. I made it exactly the same way, only took the other recipes advice and put it in the fridge for an hour before serving.
Let me stress.....
DO NOT cook the broccoli first if you are going to serve it cold from the fridge.
Do exactly what I did, but use small pieces of raw broccoli.
Trust me when I say.
If you want to make it casserole style, I will show you what I did, and then stick it in the oven for 400° for 10-15 minutes.
If you want it cold/fridge style, just mix all of the ingredients and let it chill for at least one hour.
I highly recommend the fridge, it was good, minus the booty-tasting broccoli.
What you need:
5-ish cups of broccoli
1/2 cup of mayo (to begin with)
1/2 cup of sour cream
Bacon (as much as you like)
2 cups of shredded cheddar
Seasonings. I used a little salt, garlic powder, Lawry's, and onion powder.
This is what you need to do for option 1.
Preheat your oven to 400°
Boil the broccoli for about 3 minutes. I added a pinch of salt.
Mix the mayo, sour cream, 1 cup of shredded cheese, and half of the bacon that was cooked.
Put it all in a greased baking dish, then add the second cup of cheese and the remainder of the bacon.
Bake 10-15 minutes.
Mix every ingredient together and just taste test as you go.
I keep adding garlic powder, onion powder, and Lawry's to the sour cream/mayo mixture until it was like I liked it.
I slowly added the cheese and a tad of extra mayo as I went.
It was fabulous.
If the broccoli had been raw, OMG, I would have combusted from happiness.
If you love egg rolls, this is for you.
I actually don't love egg rolls that much, and I LOVED this!
It is so incredibly simple, and very low carb.
If you are the kind of person that enjoys eating the abomination that is green onion, than just go ahead and garnish this with it.
Not even once for me.
What I used:
1 lb lean ground beef
A couple of swishes of sesame seed oil
3/4 of a bag of coleslaw mix
2 tbl of soy sauce
1 tbl of Sriracha
This stuff is amazeballs. How did I not know this existed?
Swish a couple of tablespoons of this in a medium-high skillet. Cook down the garlic.
Brown the ground beef.
Throw in 3/4 of this bag of slaw..
Mix it about in the skillet. (If you own a wok, I would recommend using it. I JUST got a real skillet, so let's be real)
Don't do what I did. I added the soy sauce and the Sriracha, and I got fancy and used this thing:
I mixed up the teaspoon and tablespoon, so I didn't put enough Sriracha and soy sauce.
I "eyeballed" it. The soy sauce was perfect. WAY too much Sriracha. I died a little.
But it was still yummy to my tummy.
Just stir it about until the raw mix starts to wilt.
Make sure you save a little bit to eat the next day.
I tried to find sesame seeds at the store, but negative.
If you can find some, I bet it would be delish.
This was my first time making salsa.
If you make this, don't be shy with the salt. I have been trying to cut back on sodium, but this isn't the dish to do that.
I also went very light on the jalapenos and the juice, and it was kind of bland.
Don't be like me.
What I used:
Half of a red onion
The juice of two limes
3 tomatoes (could have used one more)
10 oz of pre-cooked shrimp
Jalapenos. At least 2 or 3 tablespoons, no matter how much of a wuss you are. I used 4, yes 4 single jalapenos. For shame.
I used this much cilantro:
Don't forget the shrimp in the freezer like I did, or you'll spend the time you're cutting up the produce trying to thaw out the shrimp in lukewarm water.
Quarter the tomatoes and onions, throw them in a food processor (unless you're a hardcore chopper), with the juice of the 2 limes, the cilantro, and salt. Be generous with the salt, to your liking.
Add the shrimp and jalapenos and blend well. I learned my lesson in pulsing shrimp, so I made sure everything was well and blended before I threw them in there.
Just keep taste testing, and make sure your spices are to your liking.
Stick it in the fridge for at least an hour.
It went nicely with Scott's Favorite Fajitas.
I miss tortillas :(
I enjoy sports, binge watching TV, food, reading, and slightly bearded men.